MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction by Goldstein Elisha & Stahl Bob

Author:Goldstein, Elisha & Stahl, Bob
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781626251731
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2015-05-31T16:00:00+00:00

The best way to prime your mind toward generosity is to practice asking, How can I give?

Now make a plan and just do it!

22

Remember to Forgive

Forgiveness is another essential attitude of mindfulness that can help cultivate greater understanding, ease, and freedom. It has been shown to reduce stress, anger, and depression and to support many aspects of well-being and happiness. Try a little experiment. Think of someone in your life right now who has slighted you in some way (maybe not the most extreme slight) and for whom you are holding some bitterness. Picture that person and hold on to that unwillingness to forgive. Now, just observe any emotions you have: anger, resentment, fear, sadness. Also notice how you are holding your body—is it tense anywhere or feeling heavy? Now bring awareness to your thoughts—are they hateful and spiteful thoughts?

Pause before continuing to read. Just take in this experiment.

Most people we do this with find it to be an uncomfortable experiment. It elicits feelings of tension and anger and thoughts of ill will toward the other person. The experiment doesn’t conjure these feelings out of nowhere; it just brings to light what is already within us, stirring around. There is a common misconception that forgiveness means condoning the act of the other person. Forgiveness simply means releasing this cycle of torture that continues to reside inside.

It’s heartfelt and courageous to say, I have been offended against. I am going to let go of this so I don’t continue to be burdened by it. You have already been hurt once; why continue letting it torment you by holding on to it, with the erroneous belief that doing so is somehow getting back at the other person? When we hold a grudge, a “grievance story” builds in the mind, and as we hold on to it, we continue to fuel it, sowing the seeds of our own suffering.

Forgiveness is the practice of learning how to let go of this story in the service of loving ourselves.

Just Do It!

Right now we’re going to give you a way to loosen the grip of grudges and tune a mindful heart. As you go through these steps, remember that your intention is to nurture peace within yourself, not assuage any other party.

Articulate it—Think about someone you hold bitterness toward and articulate why what this person did was not okay to you.

Get perspective—Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes—or ten years—ago.

Make a choice—Decide if you’re ready to let go of this burden.

See who is suffering—Instead of mentally replaying your hurt from long ago, see if it’s possible to recognize that you are suffering now and ask yourself, What is it that I really need? Is it to feel safe, to be understood, to be loved, to be free? If possible, contact the person to make amends; if that’s not possible, seek out new ways to get what you want.

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